


Walk Before You Crawl

by bellsfreckles



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, I guess this takes place sometime between 611 and 612, I'm awful at writing summaries okay, but fingers crossed for something similar next season...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:38:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6596971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellsfreckles/pseuds/bellsfreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything they've been through, peace finally seems to be within reach inside of Alexandria's walls. But first, Michonne has to get something off of her chest. Or rather, someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walk Before You Crawl

**Author's Note:**

> A little while ago I got a request on tumblr to write Michonne telling Rick about Andre. Let's do that :)

Peace. It’s something that Michonne has never allowed herself to get comfortable with. Not since the fall. 

She thinks about Atlanta sometimes, remembers those days back when she had it all and the moment that she lost it. And then she turns to Rick, and those thoughts slowly start to fade. 

He looks calm, if not a bit weary, his face a beautiful patchwork of scars both new and old. She moves to caress his cheek before thinking better of it and tucking her arm back under the sheets. 

This moment can't last long. If Michonne has learned anything these past few years, it's that. Better to let him enjoy this little slice of peace while he still can. Lately, it almost feels like their losses have been piling up, and something tells Michonne that this is only the beginning. 

Her eyes don’t leave Rick’s face, and he doesn't move a muscle. She thinks that this may be the stillest she’s ever seen him. Even in his sleep the man is always moving, fighting the war inside of his head. She knows about the ghosts that plague him. She knows, because they’re the same as hers. 

Memories of those who they vowed to protect but failed somewhere along the way visit them both each night, their words harsh and unrelenting but no less true. She’ll often hear Rick’s mumbled apologies in his sleep, the guilt and sorrow he deprives himself of each day finally rising to the surface at night. Michonne always finds herself wishing that she could save him somehow, that she could let him know that everything is alright, but now, as she looks upon his face, so beautiful and still, she thinks that maybe she already has.

Positioning herself so that she's more comfortable, Michonne leans in closer, chancing a quick kiss on the tip of Rick’s nose. 

His eyes flutter open, and the smile that spreads across his face beams bright as the morning sun. “Hey, you.”

“Uh, Michonne? Dad?”

Neither of them heard so much as a creak, but somehow Carl managed to slink inside of their bedroom unnoticed. He's wide awake and already dressed for the day despite the ungodly hour. 

“It’s early.” Michonne declares, making sure her naked form is properly covered before turning to face their unexpected guest.

Rick shifts beside her, peeking up at his son through one eye. “Sure is.” He nods in agreement.

“Yeah, well trust me, you guys are definitely gonna want to see this,” the boy insists, flashing the biggest smile that Michonne has seen from him in months. “Hurry up!”

“Alright,” Michonne replies with a yawn, stretching so that her rear presses teasingly against Rick’s groin. “but this better be good. Your dad needs to catch up on his beauty sleep.”

“She’s not wrong,” Rick says, hooking an arm around Michonne’s waist so he can pull her in closer. He inhales her scent, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. “Just give us one more hour.”

Carl pretends to be sick at the public display, clutching tightly to his stomach before doubling over.“Gross. I just finished breakfast, please don’t make me throw it all back up.”

“Okay,” Rick chuckles. “I was only messing with you. We’ll be right down, son.”

“Yeah, alright.” Carl laughs before dismissing himself from the bedroom, closing the door behind him so his parents can get dressed in private. 

Michonne shifts, tossing the sheets back as she tries to climb out of bed. It comes as no surprise when Rick reels her back in, wrapping his arm around her waist again so he can easily pull her back towards him. His mouth finds her neck and he sprinkles soft kisses there, only stopping to pull away so he can journey even lower.

“Are you really going to do this every morning?” Michonne wonders, giggling in spite of herself.

Rick’s reply is muffled and practically unintelligible as he moves down lower, kissing the underside of her breast with fervor. 

“Maybe.” Michonne hears him say as she tangles her fingers through his curls. It’s almost become a reflex for her now, to touch him, to feel that he’s really there. That this is really happening.

The heat practically radiates from her skin and she’s sure that he can feel it too. Every touch is like a shot of electricity through her system, his desire for her setting her own body ablaze. 

Rick’s tongue darts out between his lips so he can lick her skin, the warm wetness making Michonne’s toes curl up. He moves down the length of her body until he reaches his goal, and when he presses a soft kiss just below her navel her breath starts to quicken in anticipation of what comes next.

She’s recently learned just how much Rick likes to spend his time between her legs. He lives to hear her scream his name as he works her over the edge and back again. She thinks it might be his own way of telling her how much he loves her without words, and now, as he tries to do just that, she doesn’t think she could ever love him any more than she does now.

“Okay, stop. Stop.” Michonne regretfully commands him.

Truthfully, she would gladly lay in bed with Rick all day if that were possible, but they've both got jobs to do. Responsibilities, and all that. And they certainly can't keep Carl waiting. If he were to walk in on them…Michonne isn't sure how'd she’d live that down. She has already been on the receiving end of the Carl Grimes glare once since this all started, and she doesn't plan on experiencing that ever again. 

Rick moans but still ultimately decides to behave himself. He lifts his head, his tired eyes meeting her own for one last moment of contemplation. 

“You think everything’s fine with Carl? Should I be worried?”

“No, no worrying,” Michonne shakes her head, getting out of bed and throwing on the clothes she had on the day before. “Whatever it is, he looked pretty excited. And we’ve got to appreciate that whenever we can get it.”

“What's taking you guys so long? Come on!” Carl’s voice yells from downstairs, almost as if right on cue. 

“We’re coming!” Rick yells, sloppily dressing himself in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. 

Once he’s finished, Rick comes to stand beside her, holding out his hand. She accepts it, sliding her fingers into the gaps between his. It’s a perfect fit. It always is. 

As quickly as they can, the two of them make their way down the stairs hand in hand. Michonne isn't sure what she'd been expecting, but the happy sight she sees unfolding before her certainly wasn't it.

Carl is crouched down to the carpet, watching as Judith takes a few wobbly steps on her own. 

“I took her out of the crib earlier to see if I could get her to stand up,” Carl explains, watching intently as she continues on her journey. “She kept falling down so I thought maybe we’d just try again later. I turned around for two seconds and when I turned back, she was walking all by herself.”

Rick and Michonne can hardly contain their excitement. Carl must think that they look more than a little bit silly as they break out the funny faces; oohing and aahing to give Judith the encouragement she needs to cross the finish line. Suddenly, she stumbles, and Rick’s entire demeanor shifts. He seems worried, tugging at Michonne’s hand in an attempt to lead them over to his daughter. 

“Let her do it on her own, Rick,” Michonne tells him. “Sometimes you have to walk before you crawl.”

Rick looks unsure, though she knows that he wants to trust her words. 

“I’ll be okay,” she assures him. “It will.”

He nods, immediately turning his attention back to Judith. She places both palms flat down on the floor, sliding her bottom along the carpet until she finds her balance again and pulls herself back up on her own.

“That's it, Judy,” Carl coos at his baby sister. He stands up so he can follow behind her, careful not to get too close lest he scare her off. “Yeah, that’s it. Now let’s go to dad.”

Rick drops Michonne’s hand so he can welcome the girl into his arms, and Michonne watches his face as Judy inches closer and closer. She can feel her cheeks burning as the tears begin to bubble up towards the surface, but she blinks them away, not wanting to draw any attention to herself. Not here, not now. 

The girl is bubbly and driven, walking a few more paces until she stumbles and falls; repeating the process again and again until she clears the rest of the distance and makes it over to where the two proud adults stand. 

Judith bypasses Rick and instead goes straight for Michonne, waving her arms triumphantly above her head when she gets close enough. Michonne swoops in before she can fall down again, sweeping the baby up and into her arms. 

“Hey Carl, I don't remember you walking until you were a couple of months older than Judith is right now,” Rick taunts. “It looks like your sister is a regular Albert Einstein.”

Carl rolls his eyes. “Ha, ha.” His delivery is deadpan, but he clearly doesn’t let the teasing get to him. “You're funny.”

“Stop it, you two.” Michonne laughs. “I’m having none of this fighting. Not today.”

“He started it,” the teen shrugs, his arms crossed over his chest as he stares his father down from across the room. “I was just ― ”

“M-ma,” Judith suddenly coos. 

Time stands still. The playful banter of a few seconds ago is all but forgotten, the three of them standing in complete silence. 

Did they really hear what they think they just did?

“M-Mama.” 

“Holy shit!” Carl exclaims, jogging over to where Rick and Michonne are standing. “She just....”

Neither of them think to comment on his colorful language, too engrossed with the smiling girl that Michonne holds in her arms. It's not like Judith hasn't spoken before. As most babies do, she mumbles, makes attempts at words that usually prove to be incoherent babbling, but this is different. This time, Michonne can't stop the tears from flowing. She cradles Judith close to her chest, rocking her back and forth in her arms. She's reminded of that moment back at the prison, when she opened the floodgates for the first time and believed that she would never be able to close them again. 

Mama. That’s one word that she never expected to hear again. Not directed at herself, at least. She’d forgotten how good it could sound.

Carl offers Michonne a sympathetic glance, placing a hand on her shoulder for support. It's worth more than he could ever know. 

“I think I’ll go see what Enid’s up to.” He says, using the first excuse that comes to mind to dismiss himself from the room.

Michonne nods at him, thankful. Carl knows what has to happen now. She gets the feeling that he has been waiting for her to do this for a rather long time. He gives her shoulder one final squeeze before turning away, and Michonne keeps her eyes on him until he makes it out the door.

“Michonne…” 

“We should talk.” she tells Rick, taking a deep breath before walking over to the couch. 

He follows, coming to sit down beside her. He looks worried, scared even, and for a second Michonne wonders if this is the right time to tell him after all. She knows that he can handle it, that he’s always with her, but deep down, there’s still that fear. The fear of getting too close, of letting someone else in. She did that with Mike and she lost him. She can't lose Rick, too. 

But she's burned alone for so long, and she wants desperately to forget what that pain feels like. She hadn’t been keeping any secrets from him, not intentionally, but she can feel his heated gaze on her face and it sure feels like she has been. Michonne drops her head low, clutching Judith tighter to her chest as she tries to piece together the words that are running through her head.

“Hey,” Rick says, his hand circling around her wrist to let her know that he’s still there. “What’s wrong?”

“I lost someone,” she finally confesses, still too nervous to meet his gaze. “It’s why I was so closed off before. Why it took me so long to let you anyone in. To let you in.”

Rick’s demeanor changes immediately. He’s always possessed the strong confidence of a leader, but that falters in this moment, replaced with the tenderness that he keeps reserved for her and her alone. 

“It’s okay. You don’t owe me any explanations. You never have,” he quickly assures her, his words whispered like the sweetest lullaby. “I understand, Michonne. We’ve all lost someone, there’s no shame in that.”

Michonne shakes her head from side to side, her tears dripping down into her lap. It’s uncontrollable now. Her breaths come short and fast, and she feels winded, like she’s been kicked in the gut. 

She can see Andre’s face, so young and beautiful. He wasn’t touched by the darkness. He was the light. 

“He wasn’t just someone. He was my son.”

She finally allows herself to look Rick in the eye, and what she finds there is what has always been: compassion, support, but above all....love. She doesn’t need his apologies or his pity; he knows that, and he doesn’t offer it. What he gives her instead is worth so much more.

“What was his name?” He asks, rubbing his hand up and down her arm before eventually taking her own. 

“Andre,” She answers. Just saying his name is enough to bring a smile to her face. It stays there, even through the tears.“His name was Andre Anthony.”

He can see the guilt in her eyes, she knows it and he knows it; but he doesn’t pry, he doesn’t poke or prod, instead he extends an invitation. “Tell me about him,” he says to her. “What was Andre like?”

It doesn’t take long for her to find the words. “He was....everything,” she sighs. “He was my whole world. When I first found out that I was pregnant, Mike and I were worried. We fought a lot, but it was only because we were scared. We were a young couple still trying forge our own path in this life, and we loved each other, but it was hard sometimes. Once Andre was born, though....that all changed. It was like nothing else even mattered at that point. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Mike and I couldn’t believe that something so amazing had come from us. Our own little slice of heaven is what that boy was.”

Rick smiles at that, picturing the child in his mind. “He took after you,” he says knowingly. “He was perfect, I’ll bet.”

Michonne pauses for a moment, still grappling with whether or not she should finish the rest of the story. Oh, how she wishes she could just leave it at that. At her perfect little boy, so full of love and light. But in time, she continues on. Rick deserves to know the truth. Her Andre deserves to be memorialized.

Her eyes fall down to her lap where Judith bounces happily, completely oblivious to the situation that is unfolding around her. “Can you take her?” 

“Of course.” Rick replies, pulling the baby into his arms. She protests for a second, grabbing onto Michonne’s shirt with a closed fist before she gets distracted by something shiny on the wall and focuses her attention on that.

“It wasn’t too long after the beginning of the outbreak when I lost Andre.” Michonne’s voice trembles and the tears start to fall again. “We’d found a small settlement of survivors in downtown Atlanta and were holed up there for a little while. It wasn’t supposed to be forever, just a place to stay until this thing got figured out and help came for us. After a couple of weeks there, that’s when we realized that there was no help. That was it. That was really it.” 

It was the type of hurt that you could feel in your bones. 

Michonne has always known what it was like to struggle, to try your hardest only to come up short at the end of it all, but she never felt such utter hopelessness until that night. Mike would whisper his doubts in her ear, holding her just a little bit closer to make up for the distance that had grown between them. She loved him. He loved her. If only that had been enough for him. 

“I wasn’t about to just give up. That was never the plan,” she says. “I had to keep hope alive. For Andre, if not for myself. I guess Mike didn't feel the same. I could see it in his eyes, that he was scared. But we all were. I never thought….”

“Michonne, you don’t have to....”

He’s offering her a way out, trying to spare her feelings once again and she loves him for it. 

But she keeps going.

“I’d gone out on a run one morning and when I made it back....it was gone. It was all gone. Mike and his friend Terry decided to sit around and get high and that left the entire camp vulnerable. I don’t know what they were thinking. Hell, I’m not sure if they were thinking at all. I wanted to hate them for it, I really did. That loss....there was just no coming back from it. So I made myself feel it. I carried that pain around with me until I couldn’t anymore. Eventually I just became numb. I gave up on being a real person and that's how I survived. That's how I kept going. I told myself that it was my fault. That I deserved it for leaving him.”

“But it wasn’t your fault, ‘Chonne. You can’t keeping blaming yourself for this. It’ll eat you up inside. Trust me, I know,” Rick says. He carefully lifts Judith out of his lap and sits her down on the carpet. She is as happy as ever, waddling around on the floor and practicing her walking once again. “Come here.”

Michonne leans back, stretching herself out on the couch. She lays her head in Rick’s lap, humming quietly to herself when he gently smoothes her hair down. His touch calms her, makes her feel at ease despite her ghosts.  
“I know that I can’t blame myself anymore. I tried not to,” Michonne says. “Eventually…I don't know. I guess I got tired of being tired. I found Andrea, and then I made it to the prison and I started to think that maybe there was still something good out there after all. And I don’t want to focus on the bad things anymore, Rick. Not when there’s still so much good.” 

“There is.”

“Andre was the happiest little baby.” She thinks of his smile, of the dimples that would adorn his cheeks when he laughed. “That’s how I'm choosing to remember him. He had a sense of humor like you wouldn’t believe. He was always laughing and carrying on. I see a lot of him in Judith, actually. When she smiles, sometimes I see Andre staring back at me. Reminding me that I have to keep going. I still think of him every day, but somewhere along the way, I stopped looking for reminders. I keep going because I want to. Because I have Judith. Because I have Carl. Because I have you.”

Michonne rises, sitting up on her knees. She leans her forehead against Rick’s for a moment before pulling him closer to her. The two of them embrace, and God, it feels like living. In his arms, it feels like home. 

They could stay like this all day. The moment lingers for a while longer, and when Rick pulls away to look her in the eyes, his bright blues light a fire in her soul. He takes her hand again, skimming his thumb across her knuckles. 

“I love you,” he says. “I just wanted you to know that.”

“I love you, too,” Michonne smiles. “With everything that I have.”

“And I will always keep you safe. I'm not going to let you lose anyone else. Never again, do you hear me?”

Michonne nods, leaning in closer to him. He comes to meet her halfway, pressing his lips softly against her own. He kisses her deeply, holding nothing back. She can taste the promise of the future on his lips, his words echoing in her mind.

I will always keep you safe. 

She believes him. She believes in him. 

Finally, there's peace in that.


End file.
